The Continued Adventures
Of the Applesauce Chronicles

by Louis Phillips



What do the shutting of the gates to the Roman Underworld have in common with the revealing of State secrets?

One is Dis closure, the other is disclosure.



Pharmaceutical Note on a Novel by Tolstoi


Anna's sin

Cannot be cured by Anacin.



What is the difference between Mount Everest and a cup of tea?

One is steep; the other is steeped.




THROUUGH == the sun breaks through



What’s the difference between a famous play by Matt Crowley and John Philip Sousa in the capital of Idaho?

One is THE BOYS IN THE BAND; the other is the band in Boise.



THE GLASS KEY – a real roman a clef

A sentence with 4 WILLS in a row:

Shall I ask British author William Trevor about the author Will Self? Yes, I will -- Will, will Will

Self come to my book signing party?



Agnew knew Nu's new newel-posts were expensive to install.



nghti -- night shift.



Sue sez
Is old hat.
That's that.



Robinson Caruso -- novel about an opera singer stranded on a desert island.



What kind of tea should be drunk by everyone?




Applesauce Chronicles — 21st Century


What is the difference between Spring and the autobiography of Casanova?

The first is concerned with flowering, the 2nd with deflowering.






SHAPE -- a perfect shape
HAP -- out of shape
HAP -- in shape
I -- never in shape
- shape -- shapeless
TipI'mshapetop -- I'm in tip top shape



Applesauce 2012


How many CIA agents does it take to change a light-bulb?

Who wants to know?



What is the difference between the film starring John Wayne and God?

One is the High and the mighty, and the other is THE HIGH AND THE MIGHTY.



What is the difference between serving as an altar-boy and The Great Depression?

One is mass employment; the other is mass unemployment.



8 Colorful Irish Slang Terms

l. Duck-house Door — a very thick slice of bread

2. Duck’s meat — mucus found in the eyes during sleep

3. Jook-Halter — one who has narrowly escaped hanging

4. Potato trap — mouth

5. Leather head — someone who is stupid

6. Bumbee work — nonsense

7. Red lead — lunchroom sausage

8. Turnip-snagger — rural dweller

Terms & definitions from SLANGUAGE: A DICTIONARY OF SLANG AND COLLOQUIAL ENGLISH IN IRELAND by Bernard Share (Gill and Macmillan, 1997).